Loving yourself looks different every day and that’s okay.
Some days are easier than others, sometimes you make big moves, sometimes baby steps. Life isn’t all uphill (unfortunately), which means our journeys of self-love won’t always be either. We won’t always look or feel the same, so it’s only natural that our self-love should change a little as we do.
The key is to keep it in mind.
To think of self-love like any other romance.
Don’t forget to celebrate the things you DO love about yourself during each season of life. Don’t forget to add self-care activities to your schedule every day or week to take care of your mind, body, and soul. Don’t forget to show yourself the same grace, forgiveness, doting, and care you’d show to the other people you love. You don’t have to always be excitedly, proudly, and loudly in love with every little detail of yourself, your body, your life, every second of every day. We all have insecurity, shame, neutrality, and pride. We’re human, after all! The Self-Love Stuff still counts, though, even if we don't feel perfect at it, even if neutrality is what we're at; it's better than the negative thoughts, self-talk, and feelings. Those thought patterns, good habits, and effort still make progress, and Progress, unlike Perfection, is actually achievable! And it feels amazing, too.
I know sometimes shouting “self-love” from the rooftops can sound like useless positivity or something that’s easier said than done… but it’s not some end-all be-all state of being. It’s not black & white, it’s not “you love yourself or you don’t," and it's not a destination. Self-love is a journey.
It’s an ongoing relationship and, just like any other, you are bound to have ups and downs, changes and consistencies, confusion and clarity, setbacks and growth. You have honeymoon phases with loving yourself, and phases when maybe you wish you could break up with yourself, too. During those darker seasons, that's when it's most important to put in the work to heal and love yourself. To mend and grow that relationship out of the darkness and back to the light of the honeymoons!
My hope and goal are to remind you to focus on the things you DO love about yourself, whatever they are today and regardless if that list looks different tomorrow. To remind you to fuel the parts of yourself and life that you love the most. To remind you to care for your mind and body so that you can be your happiest and healthiest, whatever that means for you. To remind you that you DESERVE love.
You don’t have to be perfect or think you are. But I hope you show yourself a little love every day in one way or another. Self-Love is just like any other relationship; you'll have strong points and you'll have things you may need to work on.
The key is to not let the romance die.
You are in this relationship for life, for better or worse, no marriage certificate necessary. And you deserve to be loved, wowed, taken care of, supported, valued, accepted, and treated like a queen.
Here are three things that have helped and continue to help me feel more Self-Love
1 ~ Changing My Focus Around My Physical Health, and Taking Better Care of my Body.
For me, this consists of a few things.
It means not focusing on weight, clothing size, calorie counting, or following any specific diet regimens, but instead focusing on how my body actually feels and fueling the good feelings. I focus on nourishing myself every day with foods I like and that give me energy, indulging a little less in things that make me extra bloated or tired, but not excluding things entirely or punishing myself for little indulgences here and there. I focus on balancing the healthy and the sweet, without putting too much pressure either.
It means moving my body more often. I love to do yoga and go on hikes. Again, I don't put too much pressure on the goals; I just listen to how my body feels and don't push myself too hard.
And not only do I make sure to stay active in life, I put just as much emphasis on rest. We need sleep and rest to survive and thrive, and you'd be surprised how much better you'll feel about yourself if you take little steps to take better care of your body without as much attachment to an end result.
Food, Movement, and Rest are essential to feeling good physically, and when you feel good physically, you feel better mentally, too. From there, it's easier to conquer the negative thoughts, feelings, and habits, and better love ourselves.
2 ~ Making Time For My Passions and Goals, and Celebrating my Accomplishments, Even the Small Ones.
For me, this means spending as much time as I can capturing photo sessions, spreading self-love and intimacy, writing my fiction novels, reading, seeing live theatre and music, exploring the city or nature (when it's not freezing outside, anyway), traveling, and experiencing life with my husband and our hounds.
It also means that every time I book a client, or someone tells me they love their photos, or I write another chapter, or I cross another destination off my bucket list, or I simply make time to do some yoga or read for a bit that day... I do a little happy dance to celebrate. Because progress and self-care and embracing our passions deserve to be celebrated. YOU deserve to be celebrated!
3 ~ Therapy and Journaling.
I am a big believer in therapy, for anyone and everyone. I think there are only benefits to learning more about yourself and talking things out with someone impartial and qualified to help your struggles. Having cPTSD personally and dealing with the subsequent feelings of anxiety, depression, etc., therapy has been a huge tool in my healing, learning to accept myself and my life as they are, and learning to love and prioritize myself. It took a few trials before I found the perfect match of a provider, but I stan therapy one hundred percent.
I also journal often. Maybe not every day, and maybe not in the more structured ways, but getting the thoughts and emotions out on paper can lift their weight from your shoulders and heart and make it so much easier to heal from there, and start shifting focus to the self-love stuff. Sometimes I just "brain-dump," literally writing any thoughts or emotions on my mind and heart in that moment, from that day, etc. Sometimes I focus my journal entry on one specific topic, be it an emotion, a trauma point, etc. Sometimes I write poetry or make lists of goals, wishes, things I'm grateful for, things I'm doing well, or things I love about myself. It helps so much with how I feel day to day, and how I feel about myself.
And a not-so-surprising, special bonus number 4 ~
Boudoir Photography!
If you want to read more about why I love Boudoir, and how as a model and photographer it helps me with Self-Love, check out this other blog post, where I talk about my passion for this art and mission in my business, or explore my Boudoir Page on this website!
Find the stuff that works for you, but don't stop the effort. Remember, it's a relationship; date yourself, learn about yourself, take care of yourself, and love yourself as best you can.
Loving yourself should be your life’s greatest romance. Give that relationship everything you’ve got!
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